Reflections Of A Fool
by Celebrisilweth
Summary: At the end of the Battle of Five Armies Thorin Oakenshield lies on the battlefield with only his thought to keep him company.


**A/N-** At the end of the Battle of Five Armies Thorin Oakenshield lies on the battlefield with only his stream-of-consciousness reflections for company. Movie-verse. SPOILER ALERT! Short one-shot. **I own nothing. **Story art credit to PeckishOwl, check it out on . Please R&R.

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**Reflections Of A Fool**

Finally...it's over...at last.

I draw a raged breath, nigh overcome with agony. I can't even shift my position to relieve aching muscles. My wounds are beyond help. Around me the deafening sounds of battle, the crash of steel against steel, start to fade, replaced now by the moans and screams of the wounded and dying. I see the giant eagles who came to our rescue swoop over the field routing the enemy; but it matters little to me now.

I have seen war before, seen the broken bodies lying close to death, waiting for release, alone in their anguish, except for their thoughts. I, myself, have aided them in their journey. Death is a mercy to them as it will be to me.

As I wait I remember ...things...promises...people...

I'm home, Dis,...Erebor... I've felt the stone... and walked the halls where we once played...You, and me,...and Frerin...O, Frerin, my brother, I was so wrong,... so stubborn... I should have listened to you...not left you alone...but...I will be with you soon...and father...and grandfather.

Aarghhh- the pain. Make it stop. I can't breathe...can't think...The agony courses through my veins like liquid fire...My vision blurs...The world is edged in grey...Oh, Mahal,...give me peace.

I won, Dis...Azog is dead...the Defiler...and his white warg. ...not at Azanulzibar...like we thought...but here...at Erebor...Ah, victory...it's such a hollow thing...and not without cost...cost beyond measure...A cost I am loathe to have paid.

My wounds...I feel my blood ...seeping from me...pooling beneath me...I will not leave this battle alive...I lie and wait for the darkness of death...there is no hope for those wounded as I am...death is a welcome release...if only someone would release me...send me to the Halls of Mandos...yet I still draw breath.

Smaug, the great wurm...gone, too,...felled by some Dale man...no more drake...We can clean his filth...from our halls...and restore Erebor ...to glory...But, not me...that will fall to another...When you come...it will be a grand hall again.

I fell, Dis...I fell...like Thrain...and Thror...Thought I was stronger...I was wrong...the gold...the gems...the Arkenstone...wealth beyond measure...mine, all mine...my precious treasure...they tried to take it...from me...I had to fight them...they had no claim...no right...I have the only right...But...I beat the madness...the goldsickness, now...I was enthralled, Dis...I never understood...why Thror wouldn't leave his treasure ...why I had to drag him away...I was so proud...so stubborn...so hurtful...the things I said to the hobbit.

Yes, the hobbit...such strength...such wisdom,... such courage...in so small a creature...Need to apologize...don't know I'll be able to...time grows short...I'm cold...so cold.

Dis...I failed you, too...I promised...to bring your boys...home...I brought them home...to Erebor...not their home...but ours...where they should have...been princes...and I brought them home...home to the Hall of Mandos...to Frerin...to Thrain...to Thror...to their father.

So much I should have ...said to them...

To Fili...my golden lion...he would have made a better king than I could ever hope to be...I pushed too hard...expected too much...weighed him down with too much responsibility... wasted his dwarfling years...training him for a throne...he'll never sit.

To Kili...my dark raven...I never praised him enough...I see now...when my sight is failing...just how blind I was all along...all he ever wanted was my approval...my praise... oh, Mahal...to hear his laughter one more time...

They defended me, Dis...when I fell...back-to-back...despite their own wounds... protected me...they were great warriors...strong, brave...loyal...courageous...with wiling hearts...and I...I couldn't help them...couldn't save them...rips my heart apart, Dis.

Too late...too late... to understand...not all that is gold glitters...more precious than all the gold in Erebor...and I lost them...

Forgive me, Dis...I am a fool.

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Hope you appreciated (enjoyed may not be the correct word) the fic. Sorry about the feels (oh wait, maybe I.m not). Let me know what you thought.


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